My Fellow Humans
My Fellow Humans
26: Embracing Confrontation as a Tool for Relationship Building
What if we told you confrontation can actually build stronger relationships? Grit your teeth, fasten your emotional seatbelts and get ready for a rollercoaster of a discussion as we face confrontation head-on, exploring how it's not just an aggressive game, but a crucial tool in nourishing trust and repairing bonds. We share our personal stories, from juggling traumatic experiences to wrestling with divergent beliefs, and how we've learned to create safe spaces for these tough talks.
Before we wrap up, we want to pause and acknowledge the role you play in shaping our podcasts. Your feedback, questions, and topic suggestions add tremendous value and we truly cherish them. Hear our thoughts as we reflect on our return to the US and why we can't wait to have your friends join our podcast family. With a mix of heavy discussions and light-hearted banter, this episode promises a rich, thought-provoking, and entertaining experience!
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We are a group of people that really just enjoy talking about this thing we call relationships. We also just want to see people grow in health and wholeness and, see people have great relationships ( not just romantic ones ).
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And every time someone lies to you it's like do I really value that religious relationship that much? What up my fellow humans? Welcome to the episode number X of the my Fellow Humans podcast. Welcome, ben. You want to say anything before we get going on? The more about a section that mom likes to do, I don't really care about the more better section, because I think you guys aren't here for us. You guys are here for the knowledge that God has given us, and so and not because we're not stupid, it's mainly because we are stupid and he's given us this knowledge through experience.
Speaker 2:So here we are stupid. You know what I'm saying so irony.
Speaker 1:Introduce yourself, ben, what's happening in life.
Speaker 3:Not much, just trying to look for another job. Oh yeah, trying to keep writing, keep writing. It's pretty much what we're doing right now. We're at the grindstone, been working out. Yeah, had some health issues, but now we've gotten that taken care of. So I'm back at the gym getting ready to go after this podcast.
Speaker 1:So straight up. I think it's Maxing Day for me, caleb and Dagen, so. But yeah, so, dude, nothing, not much happened for me. I just got to move into my, my basement, and finally, after I got my house in January, march and it is now the end of July. So not a long wait at all, guys, for finishing your basement. But you know it's it's a long process of getting stuff. You know contractors to do their work and I'm living there without appliances right now. So you know it's kind of kind of toxic.
Speaker 3:But wait, I thought you said you got some appliances.
Speaker 1:I did just order them, so they're coming on Thursday.
Speaker 3:Gotcha.
Speaker 1:I also need to order, so the appliances themselves were like just above $3,000. And I still need a washer dryer slash like a stackable ones.
Speaker 3:Did you get? Did you get good deals on the ones that you had, though?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I went to RC. Really I didn't get the scratch indent. They had a deal going for like a package of them.
Speaker 3:So there you go, I do whatever is necessary.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but other than that, dude, life's going.
Speaker 3:Just going Tell us about your little trip from Greece.
Speaker 1:Oh, greasy dude. So I went yeah, I did in fact go to Europe, and it was, it was good. You know, what else do you want me to say? Just kidding, no, it was. I would say I won't go back to Paris.
Speaker 3:Really.
Speaker 1:Everybody idolizes Paris, and for me, Not living to the hype. No, for me it's not worth it to go back. It was like the school to see the Eiffel Tower, see the Palace of Versailles because the Palace of Versailles is massive, by the way huge super cool, but it's not worth, because right now it's on fire. They're for political reasons, like people immigrants were coming into the country and like setting stuff on fire, and so Paris is on fire and so I won't go back to their cities.
Speaker 3:Straight up.
Speaker 1:Dude their cities revolting, but straight up places were, it was still cool to go. Obviously I love the little cafes. Yeah, I went to London to really enjoyed London. I'm not a although you know they fancy their, their monarchy I'm not a huge fan of it, mainly because I am American. It was born and raised, obviously, and so America. I bleed, I bleed, yeah, I bleed freedom Straight up, and so I like having a democracy, when it's a real democracy, a republic.
Speaker 3:Or a republic, yeah.
Speaker 1:And so. So here we are. Then I went to Greece and I will say I will go back to Greece. Greece is one of the nicest places you'll go, just because it's a the cheapest place you went, that you could get a whole, like a whole euro for like four pounds. I mean four euros is pretty nice. So what's the conversion?
Speaker 3:ratio.
Speaker 1:It was like a dollar or 10 cents, so it was like 440 for a whole euro and it was like plus or minus, you know, like the credit card fees.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But it was something around like $5 per euro, and which is still cheap, because I went to over here and we live in Utah and it's Greek, so blocky Tastes like garbage compared to the actual Greek euros. I was a little disappointed. I paid like 10 bucks for one. I'm like, bro, this is toxic, why did I order this? And so, yeah, greece was amazing.
Speaker 3:When you get the authentic, you can't go back.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you got it. You want to. Why all the Greek art people have like these godlike bodies? And it's because Greece is a really mountainous and hilly area. So for them, to some marks of their armies across everything, like straight across Greece. It's like them walking up and down mountains, and so it's like bro.
Speaker 3:Okay, it's a workout every day, truly dude. So, like my question was, with London, did you get a walk a lot of like the old, old roads that were there?
Speaker 1:No, london, like there's still a lot of stuff that is there. For instance, they have Westminster Abbey, which is like a. It's not a chapel, it's an Abbey. There's a strict difference and I'm blanking on the actual difference between them, but a lot of people, of the monarchs, were buried at this Abbey because it's interesting. Yeah, interesting. They also have Big Ben, which is not the actual tower, it's the bell itself inside the tower. The tower is called the Queen's Tower Interesting.
Speaker 1:And so that is also connected to their parliament, where they actually have parliament where they do their discussions and lawmaking and stuff like that. So that still happens in that's like Big Ben Parliament and so, and then they have their House of Lords and stuff like that. So it's really interesting stuff.
Speaker 3:Busy people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but they also have like some cool places I didn't get to go to, like the Globe Theater and stuff like that, so it was all really dope. But you know was their accent super annoying.
Speaker 3:No, it was pretty normal there.
Speaker 1:You know, honestly, with a grain of salt, you know I wouldn't mind having like one person in my life with that accent. Yeah, so if, like my future wife, had that accent, I wouldn't be bothered.
Speaker 3:But I really like the way that they speak. I like the way that they talk in English. Their English is, I think, more beautiful.
Speaker 1:I like their vocabulary.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But I like an American accent. Not like an American accent. Like you know, texans no saying, I prefer the.
Speaker 3:British accent over the Texan accent.
Speaker 1:Sorry, texas, love you guys though. But anyway, enough about that and how our lives are going. Life's kind of just keep on keeping on, but today's topic is going to be really interesting because it's about encouraging people in the sense of confrontation, in the context of confrontation.
Speaker 3:Or through a confrontation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah and so I just want to ask you a quick question is like what is, what is, what is? How do you deal with confrontation, ben? Are you somebody that tries to ignore confrontation, or are you pretty upfront with confrontation? Because I know myself and I'm very passive, aggressive, so I will absolutely do zero confrontation, or I will just, like you know, kind of make maybe a small snarkier mark. I'm a lot less passive than I was before, though, but I'm still passive.
Speaker 3:I would consider Um, it depends on who made the offense. So if it's Like my we'll just take my boss, for example I'm not gonna be very direct with him, or I probably will be more direct with him and I'm more lenient to just let it go. If I don't feel like I want to make confrontation in the moment, I will kind of just be like whatever and be more passive with it. But if but I'm more passive if it comes direct Confrontation with me. But if you did something to like Jaden or somebody that really is important, then I will be very Direct and in your face with that, mm-hmm, that makes sense, yeah, so I guess it just. I guess I've varies on a few things, depending on who you are, what the offense was and who the offense was towards, hmm.
Speaker 1:So yeah, I guess it does make sense that changes for people, like if it's somebody I don't know, obviously people aren't going to put as much effort into caring about them, right, you know?
Speaker 3:Sometimes, sometimes I'm like it's like when you're in the, I was gonna say like it.
Speaker 1:For instance, like when you're in the car and someone cuts you off. What do most people do? You flip them off? I don't flip them off, I give them a nice thumbs up.
Speaker 3:I'm telling her number one.
Speaker 1:I just I give them a thumbs up and I just tell him hey, it's nice job. Um, what I'm gonna start doing is cuz, you know, I Went to this conference yesterday and the day before and then today pastor Jeremy talked about really briefly on something and A lot of the things were just, you know, like your worshiper first, your musician second. I'm like, okay, what does it mean to be a worshiper? And it's like, okay, it's to Reveal God's glory, right?
Speaker 1:And so yeah if I'm not honoring people and everything I do, even people that I don't like, then am I really revealing God's glory? Not really and so you know. And then today, jeremy said something along the lines of you need to bless your enemies of the blessed, those who curse you, and it's like okay and it's hard.
Speaker 1:It is hard, you know, cuz, like he, cuz you talk about, like a lot of people talk about the politicians and stuff like that and how, like you know, the politicians are making really bad decisions in some sense. Whatever you believe politically, I'm gonna just, you know, put that out there, whether you think the politicians are doing good or bad. Some politicians are doing bad choices and I'm like man, I really wish they would, you know, make different choices and stuff like that. But I'm gonna bless them anyway. Oh, they made a choice that really Rubbed me the wrong way. You know, I'm saying, yeah, I'd be like man, that guy sucks at what he's doing. I'm gonna be like, okay, I need to, I'm gonna bless him anyway, you know, I'm saying I mean it says in the Bible, you know, pray for your government officials.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but what I brought up was a little different than what we're talking about today, and today's topic is the higher calling and it's confronting and look within people and call people out with love, basically calling out the golden them essentially, and so you know I'll let you take it away for a second, ben, take, take it away. You are sick of my voice. For now, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I was thinking about this because I had a Dude, a customer. I'll, when I was out delivering, kind of be a jerk, which is nothing new, but it really really kind of made. Why I want to say make me, but, you know, affected me in a way.
Speaker 3:Like I'm like, this guy is a complete like Wow, you know and so I was kind of like, well, how do we confront that cuz like, or I Guess should like, should even confront everything, right. So it's just one of those things were for me, it's like when I'm out delivering I, you know, I caught my, my Batman suit. You know, I have a different ego. I got my different person have my work soon than my home home life. So with that was just like the way I confront stuff is through my actions, with my body language. So, like he was like, oh, whatever, the situation was right, I don't want to give too much of a way, but it was very like I just, if you're not gonna talk to me respectful, I'm not gonna engage with you. So I just said, okay, have a good one, and left and that's kind of how I dealt with the conversation.
Speaker 3:But I was just thinking about it was like, well, what if this was like a family member or somebody? And that's why I kind of Wanted it to think about that and kind of talk about that, or just people in general. A better Another example would be I had, you know, a very close friend. You know how do you deal with ignorance In relationship, because there's some people that are like really smart, but there's.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's, they're stupid, they're stupid.
Speaker 3:Yeah, just call it yeah and so you know, it's like from from them knowing my past really in depth, you know, and then they keep making certain jokes of along, of the traumas or whatever, of past experiences and it's like Stop it.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:Get some help. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like how do you confront that? And so that was another thing. I was just like how do you confront that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so there's a certain friend that I have right now. That's kind of like it's not in that same position where they keep. You know bringing up things in my past, it's more just like they keep. I'm like picking up, like the trail, you know I'm saying they tell me that like imagine yourself, just if you're not in the car, please close your eyes if you can, but like straight up You're on a hike, you know, and the trail Direction things you can take a left or a right, and on the right side it says that's the right way, the left side says that's not the right way. You know I'm saying wrong way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's the wrong way yeah but I see foot, more footsteps going to the left.
Speaker 1:You know I'm saying yeah and so it's like am I gonna take the left because I've seen more footsteps? I'm gonna take the right because the sign says? I'm gonna take the right because that's what the sign says, or that's what the trail is telling me. The trail is my friend. He's give telling me to go right, which it needs to lie. You know, I'm saying everything else. Everything else, everybody else is telling me. All the footsteps leading to the path of our friendship is Going to the left, saying that what he is telling me to go, which way or what to believe, is the wrong thing to believe.
Speaker 1:Right and it's like, do I go ahead and confront him on the crap that he's telling me and tell him hey, that's bull crap. I've heard these, these things about, like, are you lying to me on purpose or are you trying to do like you know I'm saying? Are you trying to like, deceive me, like what's happening?
Speaker 1:Right like, how do I deal with this? To put this friend, it's a, I would say he's a pretty close friend. I mean, more recently he's become more distant, but that's because of, I think, an effort on both our parts. That's choice, yeah. But I also think you know Efforts a two-way street and I'm not gonna put in 300% when you're negative with 100%, you know.
Speaker 3:I'm saying your negative 3,000.
Speaker 1:No, I'm being 100 with you like. I know, I know, I know, and every time, someone lies to you, it's like do I really value that religious relationship that much?
Speaker 2:Hello, thanks so much for listening. We would love if you would rate, subscribe and share this podcast and and when the Q&A works, we would love for you to ask us some questions. Thanks for listening.
Speaker 3:It's like well, it's kind of crazy. You said it cuz, like the buddy that I met today, you know I would always try to get together with him, hang out with him, and then again, I'm not gonna put in effort or I'm not gonna put energy, time, you know, into a bank that's just gonna run dry and become Saturated over time because the other person isn't doing their job. Yeah, make sense, right, because I think, if you, you know, budget your energy, budget your time, budget this and that, because you really only have so much of it, so you should spend it on people, I think. Anyways, I think it's just a thing of self-respect, I think it's a it'll be a Twitter job. Well, each.
Speaker 1:Each day, you're given 24 sticks. What are you gonna? Who are you gonna give those 24 sticks?
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 1:And I'm not gonna give it to somebody that's just gonna keep taking without giving back you know I'm saying right, he's not it's like for me. I want somebody that's gonna take the sticks that I give them and build me a house, you know right. I don't want to give it to someone who's just gonna put it onto a fire, right? So give me something of value or at least keep me warm.
Speaker 3:Yeah or something. Yeah, and I totally get that, and so, with with all that being said, I, you know I quit talking to a lot of people, you know, but this, the second high school hit. I'm 25 now and it's like the second high school stopped is like when you really got to see who were your real friends and who weren't your real friends. Surely, you know yeah, there's.
Speaker 1:There's a lot that's happening right now inside the people who would I actually consider my friend group, and there's actually one that I wasn't I'm not super surprised with, obviously, obviously, matthew and then I've got a couple more, you know, caleb, younger brother, and then Dagan, and they're just becoming closer friends and I'm like dang, I didn't expect Dagan to stick around with, you know, with me.
Speaker 3:I didn't either.
Speaker 1:I didn't like I stick around with Caleb, obviously right not with me, and Matthew and well.
Speaker 3:It was kind of like a beautiful, like the. Yeah like like the way that they, the way that it just happened. You know it was kind of just organic, natural. Yeah it just grew.
Speaker 1:And he's just always been there too.
Speaker 3:You know, it's not like he's old and and also I think he's had the same, a lot of the same values, so I think that also helps. Yeah so that's really cool. But then now you got to start to see. Sorry I don't make much up, but now you start to see like who's like, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone, type of mentality, you know. And then now, all of a sudden, he calls me up about losing. Hey, I really want to hang out all of a sudden.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's, and it's one of those things, like you know, you saw Brett, you saw this person get into this person straight up, like get on a call with us, one of our friends, yeah, and it's like he gets on the call one time with us and then you know you know, I think it's face again. Yeah, and so I will see him next month, right? And he'll be like, oh, how's it going, guys? And then he'll never show up again.
Speaker 3:He won't show up for like the next three months and it's just like bro, like all right.
Speaker 1:I enjoy your connection but, dog, if you're gonna and you you're not, like you can't ask us to always be calling you when you're never gonna show up Anyway, and so it's one of those things where it's like it in the whole thing, like with the, the hiking and stuff like that, with the people going left. Yeah, he's saying to go right, it's just like how do I call the gold out in that?
Speaker 3:Yeah, how do I know? That was my question. How do I call the?
Speaker 1:how do I confront that? Yeah, and Call him out with love. Obviously and there's one thing that I'm seeing right now and it's Well does he want even to have the confrontation, the conversation, the relationship at all?
Speaker 1:Probably not, and I think that's one question you to ask. For every relationship that there is confrontation needed, is the? If there's? If he is not wanting confrontation at all, it's probably because he doesn't value the relationship enough, right? Probably not. Let's just say that you, your girlfriend, for some reason says something you don't like. You're most likely gonna go up to her and you're gonna ask her hey, I really didn't like that Is there's like? Can I just ask you why you said that Confrontation? Because the relationship is valuable If it's a friend you just met and he says something you really don't like and he had just rubbed you the wrong way. There's two things like obviously you should check if it was something in yourself, but if it's like, okay, no, this is just something that's morally wrong and like. Or this just really strikes me wrong, or he's using one of the sticks I gave him to hurt me.
Speaker 1:You know I'm saying yeah, and it's like okay, I need to have a talk with him. If he's not willing to have that conversation, it's because he doesn't value the relationship. Most likely.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, and so how did you?
Speaker 3:or did you even?
Speaker 1:I have not but this friend that I'm talking about. I have not had the confrontation and it's mainly because to me this is also my second point is like is it valuable to them? But then is it valuable to me and and thus far nothing has proven from me that I'm actually gonna get any return on this relationship, because there hasn't been that evidence. You know, I'm saying and I'm not looking, I don't go into relationship Relationships saying, hey, what can I get out of you?
Speaker 3:You know I'm saying I mean, I mean Well, I actually disagree because, like you, kind of again, you're budgeting your energy and all this stuff to get something out. Like the reason why we're friends with somebody is to get something out. That's just the natural, you know.
Speaker 1:Like connection and to get something relationship a.
Speaker 3:Lot of people call it selfishness, but it's like no, it's just called needs.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean God. God literally looked at him in the beginning and said, hey, it's not good for man to be alive, gave him a wife and he also gave us friends in life. But I'm that rhymed I didn't even know that was pause.
Speaker 3:There you go.
Speaker 1:Let's go. I should be a rapper, I'm just kidding. But my thing is is that it's, you know, I'm saying it's like this. This relationship just may not be that valuable in the sense that he's he's not willing to put in the effort, he's not willing to reciprocate the, the connection. You know I'm saying reciprocate, you know I'm saying I do, and it's my workplace. Actually was really funny. They put it like this okay, I work at my job, I'm a web developer and one of our core values is what what's one of your core rows?
Speaker 1:one of our core values is communication, and it's if you miscommunicate, it's like Not a bit there's. We have this bank account called trust, or the relationship with your boss or whatnot yeah and it's like we have like a metaphor.
Speaker 1:It's like called a bank account and and every time you do something either good, let's say you over deliver on a project, or you, you Communicate more than you need to and stuff like that You're, you're depositing into this bank account. But when you say, let's say you, you say you make promises on this project that you don't actually do, it's withdrawing, and so, with this friend, that's like keeps saying, oh yeah, I value this relationship, and never shows it's withdrawing.
Speaker 1:He keeps lying to you by important details in life. Withdrawing, let's just say you, you try to help him get this job. You help him get the job, he gets it and then misplaces stuff.
Speaker 3:Withdrawing yeah, so it's like you're withdrawing funds you don't have.
Speaker 1:at this point I'm sick of trying to even put in money now because this bank account obviously someone else is withdrawn the money I'm not even touching and so they're taking it all, yeah, yeah let's just say, if your wife and you have a joint bank account and for some reason, every time you look you're negative a hundred bucks.
Speaker 1:You put just deposited a thousand dollars and you're for some reason negative a hundred right now, then we've probably got issues right and so it's just not worth it right now for this relationship to keep going right now, or for me to put effort in, and is it worth it for me to confront and to call the gold out right.
Speaker 1:Probably not. And then my third point I've given like do they care about the relationship or do they care about having confrontation? Do they value the relationship enough to have Confrontation? If that's a no, okay, well then do I? Okay, that's. The second point is do I care about the relationship enough?
Speaker 3:right to To bring confrontation, because sometimes you know there is just, you know it could be just a minor miscommunication Like oh hey, sorry, I didn't know that rubbed you the wrong way, or whatever I'm like.
Speaker 3:I was just, I was just joking like it Wasn't, it was just some banter, but other times it, you know, like you also Confrontation, I think froming coming from the offender or the early offended would be Showing value of the real, of the reason to be like, hey, I care what's going on For me not to stay offended, you know, because the reality is is, however you handle offense, you know. However, you, if you choose to confront them or if you choose not to, it's your responsibility to deal with your offense. That's just like people don't realize that they're like no, I shouldn't be responsible. It's just, if you get offended, it's your problem. Unfortunately, that's the way it goes and so, yeah, it's just a. I just thought I would just point that out.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, I had another point that I was thinking of. It was so, if you, if you care, I mean if they care, if you care. Sorry, you can keep talking, though, because I'm trying to know I was like no keep going though.
Speaker 3:But I I guess we should try to trail on some good examples of how to confront, or, I guess, what are good ways for various situations. Obviously, take it with a grain of salt, at your own discretion, but um yeah, I don't really know.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna take it the opposite way and say this let's say there is a relationship, that there is, it is worth it to. Okay, let's say that I have a friend, which I have a couple friends. I don't have too many friends. I wouldn't say I'm famous or anything, but I would say that I do have a couple friends Matthew Dagan, obviously, my brothers, and so it's one of those things where it's like I have a lot of older friends. Yeah, it's insane.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But that's because you know, for me my life is very drama-ridden, not like drama like it's all over, but it's drama adverse.
Speaker 3:I guess I should say you just don't want it, yeah.
Speaker 1:No, yeah. And so having a bunch of drama isn't what I have, but let's say I have somebody that I really really do value our relationship. You know, they want to have confrontation because they value our relationship. I want to have confrontation because I value the relationship, and so now we get to a place where we can have a conversation, both in love and a place that's safe, obviously, and so let's say, let's just say mother, let's say she's not here so I can talk about her.
Speaker 3:all I want, let's start, let's smack talk. Yeah, talk smack about mom.
Speaker 1:Let's say that she like for something, like some reason. I okay, this actually did happen. So let's say that she really doesn't like who I started to date, and so I'm not going to name any names who I was dating. I only went on a serious date, dated one person. You know what I'm saying I'm a seriously date one person, Still three years going strong, single. So not a single date was to be had.
Speaker 3:In that whole time I only go and see Dumbella, plotella and Barbella. Okay, those are only women.
Speaker 1:I lift, alrighty. And so let's just say she doesn't, my mom doesn't like who I'm dating and she literally tells me that to my face, as I'm dating this person. Okay.
Speaker 3:Glad you got that out of there. How did your system?
Speaker 1:I had gunk in my years at the time, okay. But now, just this last week, I talked to mom about it. I was like I mean, not like about that, but like literally, I was just like talking to her. I was like I don't know why the whole topic of relationship? Okay, no, I do, because at the conference this weekend the guy talked about how relationships are needed and not like relationships, like romantic relationships, but you heat relationship in general. You know, biblically, relationships are needed.
Speaker 1:We get, we find something that we're lacking in other people. You know I'm saying like I'm not an organized person, so I have to have people around me, buckle arms with them because they're more organized than I am, cause I know I would mess it up if I don't. I think I don't have them, and so for me it was just like moms. I'm like mom. So we confront and I'm like mom. Why didn't you tell me this about, like you know, alison, she's like I did, I did, and the only reason like we talked to each other, like some somewhat like just you know straightforward, is cause we're, she's my mom, she was really safe with mom, obviously, and so, like I just know you're, you're calling out to love me. She's like I tried to tell you I loved you and you know I love you and I want you to be happy with the best person. I just knew from the beginning she was not the one like.
Speaker 3:You can tell it it did a thousand times and so, but he's still stupid. Confirmation with people yeah, Like you're really safe with, is really easy.
Speaker 1:But let's say it's like. Let's say it's somebody like a my pastor at church yeah, you know, I'm not going to say I have a really huge, really really strong relationship with him, I have got a relationship with him and let's say pastor, you know something? This hasn't happened, but like, let's say, a pastor, I just really something you said really struck me and I just want, wants just some more info or information about it, Cause I'm not sure how I like that or how I feel about that.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:I'm saying, and I checked every, every box inside of me and was like you know, this, this kind of kind of rubs me the wrong way and we just have a conversation Right, and that's where it's like okay, the pastor obviously is going to value that you came up to him and had a conversation like a human being, rather than screaming.
Speaker 3:But yeah, but you have to maintain a respectful conversation. Obviously you can't come up attacking and be like why did you say that? That's like messed up. Most people have that problem. Yeah, as they come off being like, they confuse confrontation with attacking. And those are two different things. You know cause. One comes from out of personal, like trying to gain personal clarification. The other one is coming out of a place of hurt.
Speaker 1:And so that's where it's like. That's where I was saying in, like the thing is like that's where it comes out of love and out of a safe place is because if people, if people will start feeling unsafe, they start shutting down and won't listen at all. And so that's why you want to have a safe place with two human beings but the full functioning brain you know what I'm saying Not thinking with one part of their brain all angry and inflated. You know what I'm saying? Egos and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:When it's like all gets mixed into the bowl it gets, it can explode, and you don't want that, and it's not good for the relationship, it's not good for you as a person, and nothing gets done. And so I want to just say talk about really quick the value of confrontation though. All right, so what? What is confrontation important?
Speaker 3:Well, I mean it's really good to clear things up because it's so important. I mean I would say a lot of like, especially with me and Jaden. I'm like Jim, well, what did you mean by that? Like, what did you really mean by that? So it essentially diffuses arguments. Yeah, you know, confrontation is just another fancy word of saying communicating.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So that's the importance of it. So it's just saying hey before. Basically, I'm going to let my emotions run me. I'm going to run my emotions, yeah.
Speaker 1:And that's the difference between a child and an adult, right Well, or there is mature children. I will say there's very much.
Speaker 3:Sometimes some children can be more mature than a lot of adults. There are too many man, children, and then all these women stick with them, and then it's just like wondering why they're going nowhere. You're such a toxic man.
Speaker 1:Oh well, you're dating a child.
Speaker 3:Right, you're still dating a child, yeah.
Speaker 1:Or just because he's good looking doesn't mean he's good for you, so that's because the world's so driven with appearance.
Speaker 3:Yeah, welcome to America.
Speaker 1:The point of the Bible it should be. Are they in relationship with God? Are they in relationship with their emotions? And then physical looks are lost. So Anyway.
Speaker 3:But hey, there's nothing wrong again with their good looking wife?
Speaker 1:Obviously not, no, but I mean, even in Sango Solomon it says that you should be attracted to your wife, or your husband, enjoy those breaths. Yes.
Speaker 3:That's what it says.
Speaker 1:We will have to do an episode on the Sango Solomon.
Speaker 3:I am so sorry.
Speaker 1:Yeah, read the Bible.
Speaker 3:It's crazy.
Speaker 1:It's got crazy stories. It literally has everything in there, bros. But confrontation is always needed. Your relationship, if it has no confrontation or troubles or rough spots, it will never be good Grow. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, not going to say it's never going to be good, because if there's never a bad time, I think a lot of people would classify that as a good relationship. But I would say that if you don't have confrontation or you don't have rough patches, your relationship isn't growing in maturity, and so that's why a lot of people, when they get married, they're like oh wait, wait past a year so that you can get past the honeymoon stage. I actually have different opinions on dating and so we'll have to save it for another episode, but confrontation is very huge because it allows your relationship to mature and to grow. Instead of seedling, it's going to become an actual plant growthling and it's going to mature into this fruit bearing tree.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying, and so instead of just keeping it at that seedling, I want my relationships to have fruit bearing trees, and so that comes only in part with having confrontation, and doing so in love will just kind of be putting water onto that plant every time you have a confrontation, and you know what I'm saying. It's like putting fertilizer around your plant and watering your plant as well, because you're doing it in a healthy place. You're having confrontation, which is that fertilizer, because it causes it to grow, and you're putting water on it because you're doing it in love, and so but yeah, I mean confrontation is a good checkpoint to see if you maybe need to see boundaries.
Speaker 3:If it's set up boundaries, if the situation keeps reoccurring, yeah, because, again on a good day, like Danny Salk says, you can't control it, people Yep, and so unfortunately that is simply the truth. You can't control people, but always confront with honor, wisdom and precision.
Speaker 1:So Honor is the currency of heaven, because if you're not honoring people, then you're just. You know what I'm saying. It's like why there's no reason not to honor anybody. You know what I'm saying, right, like, even in like, even if you hate this person, there should be some level of honor towards them. Just because you don't like them, does not disqualify them from honor, because you know, God still died on the cross for everybody. So even if you don't like them, Unfortunately.
Speaker 3:You know, if your enemy's thirsty, give them a drink of water. He's going to give them some bread.
Speaker 1:Give it to me your shirt. It's anyway, doggy, you got anything else to add before we?
Speaker 3:wrap this up. No, I think it's just pretty. We covered the bases. We did go on this one yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, guys, please feel free to leave us a comment in the comment section, and this they Spotify did just add a reviews section, a Q&A, so if you guys, have any questions please feel free to leave us a review of this episode and we'd love to hear from you guys, but also we would love to just have any topic ideas you might want us to talk about. We'd love to have it so yeah.
Speaker 1:And yeah, we'll talk to you guys in two weeks when we release our next episode. I know we kind of had a break, but we'll let you guys.
Speaker 3:But we're back because now we got our normal life back since your size back in the US.
Speaker 1:So I'm back in the US. But anyway, guys, we'll talk to you guys later. Peace out, all right, see, you Just want to take a quick second and say, if you haven't taken the chance to review, rate or even like ask any questions to us, please go ahead and do so. Or if you want to invite your friends to this podcast, make sure you do that. But anyway, before we get too long of your time, we just want to go back to the podcast. Peace out.
